As parents, we only wish to raise well-disciplined kids. No one likes an ill-mannered child with unruly behaviour. In an attempt to achieve that, we mix and match different types of discipline techniques that do not involve yelling or spanking. they are usually the ones, we have either been bought up with or have learnt from personal experience.
Hi everyone and welcome to Doctormommyspeaks parenting podcast. Today’s episode is for all those parents who are struggling to discipline their young child.
Many new discipline techniques keep arising, but the basic principle behind them remains more or less inspired by 5 basic techniques. Let me list them down for you.
- Positive Discipline
- Gentle Discipline
- Emotion Coaching
- Behaviour Modification
- Boundary-Based Discipline
whether you are a parent to toddlers or teens, discipline forms the basics of healthy family life for any household. Children are smart and quick learners. They figure out things from the tone of your voice and the expression of your face. So before starting with any technique the most important thing is to internalize it yourself. Say it in your mind that “i am going to use only Praise and encouragement for any misbehaviour that my child does today”. Or I will redirect his behaviour whenever he acts out.
1. Positive Discipline technique
So in this technique, there are no punishments or consequences.
It is primarily based on praise and encouragement. The aim of this is to turn every moment of defiance or disobedience into a teachable one. It’s not to show the child the consequences of wrongdoing but rather help him learn and understand why his actions or behaviours were wrong.
This technique goes a long way in laying the foundation of a strongly disciplined life.
But let me tell you this. It needs persistence. Children repeat the same behaviours even after hearing a long lecture on why it’s wrong. But that’s just their nature. They want to test our limits.
With this prior knowledge, if you try and instil discipline in a positive way, you are sure to succeed in a few attempts. The reason why I can say this with such surety is that children can be conditioned the way we want. We only need to do it consistently.
2. Gentle discipline technique.
It focuses on preventing problems from occurring. And in this technique redirection is used to turn the kids away from bad behaviour. This technique concentrates most on one thing and that is there has to be no shaming for the misbehaviour. Instead, parents can work upon it with the child as to why the misbehaviour or disobedience was done. They use humour or distraction to steer the child away from bad behaviour.
3. Behaviour Modification
This is an amazing technique that concentrates on the child’s behaviour not only when he is bad or commits a mistake but also when he has been good.
This is done by showing the child positive and negative consequences of his behaviour. It is a highly successful technique and it is a huge driving force to help children to grow.
Here’s how you do it
I have said this many times in my previous episodes, whenever you are spending time with your child make it memorable and worthwhile by turning each moment into a teachable one.
If a child has been good, say he’s shared his toys or went to nap time without a fuss then make use of this opportunity and praise him for his good behaviour.
If the child misbehaves like snatches a toy or refuses to do his homework then negative consequences are given in the form of loss of privileges but no punitive action is taken. You can deny your child video games for a day or no movie time
4. Emotional coaching
This might sound like a huge concept but trust me if you and your child work on this, then it will help your child become an emotionally stable adult.
To put it in simpler terms emotional coaching helps teach kids to use their words instead of behaviours to express how they feel. Here’s an eg. If your child is building a block tower and it breaks, and in a fit of anger and frustration, he throws a tantrum.
In such a situation you are supposed to help him word his emotions.
Phrases matter the most here- you can say something like- Are you angry that your tower broke down, it’s ok to be angry? You can build a stronger one next time.
The aim of this technique is to teach your kids that feelings like anger, frustration, sadness are okay and parents help teach them appropriate ways to deal with their emotions.
5. Boundary based discipline
This is a very common form of discipline technique used in many households. i am sure unconsciously you would be using it too.
In this technique, if you find any behaviour that is inappropriate and you wish to correct it then you sit your child down and talk to him about it but in a very clear and succinct way
Explain to him the exact behaviour/action that you found inappropriate and next you set a limit or a boundary that if crossed then the child will have to face the consequences.
Tell them in detail about what those consequences would be. And let the child experience it and learn from his mistakes. This kind of discipline technique sounds pretty easy, it requires very little effort from the parent side and most importantly the baton is transferred to the child.
Now he decides how to behave depending upon his logical reasoning and how his experience was, with the consequence, he might or might not repeat the behaviour.
Again a word of caution here there are two kinds of consequences given – logical consequences or natural consequences.
It can be tough to let your child make a poor choice. But, letting your child make a mistake can teach an important lesson if you allow her to face the natural consequences that result from her decision. Here are a few eg.’s
Allow a 12-year-old to spend his money as soon as he earns it. The natural consequence is that he’ll run out of money and won’t be able to buy anything else that he wants.
Or let your child step out in the cold when it’s chilly without a sweater. Of Course when it’s not too cold. The natural consequence would be, he would feel cold and he would not forget to wear his sweater the next time.
So that was all about basic discipline techniques and I am sure by now you can decide on what and how you want to discipline your child.
Whatever you choose, do not choose punishment or punitive techniques. They will work quickly and your child won’t repeat that behaviour again. But it will also teach him to not get caught very easily and such children are usually the ones who find out amazing ways to escape punishments that you can marvel at.
For more parenting-related issues like how to handle teens in this pandemic or raising kids in a digital world, ADHD you can visit my podcast – Doctormommyspeaks Parenting Podcast. listen and subscribe using your favourite app.
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This blog is written for Blog Chatter’s “MyFriendAlexa” blogging challenge 2020