We think of discipline techniques as something harsh, tough, cruel. Discipline isn’t just about exposing your kid to the consequences of their actions. Instead, it is about helping the child gain the skills he/she needs to become an independent adult.
When it comes to parenting, It is only when you have kids of your own, then you will realise the importance of disciplining them. If you are a parent then you would know that raising kids is the biggest responsibility of your life. The simple reason being you are entrusted with the job of shaping good humans who will enter the world tomorrow. They will live their lives, interact and engage with people, form relationships and the basis for all of these tasks is going to be your teachings, your principles, your hard work.
The definition of discipline is quite harsh, and in its true sense, cannot be applied in a house with kids.
Discipline is the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behaviour, using punishment to correct disobedience.
Oxford dictionary
Pretty tough right? That’s not what I am asking you to begin with. A simple set of ground rules that cover issues related to good manners and health safety, in your own language will suffice.
There are uncountable reasons that will be enough to convince you to have some ground rules in your house if you don’t have them yet.
Basic disciplinary techniques have many benefits :
- It helps develop a sense of safety in kids.
Discipline for me is the ability to control your urges, to not go by one’s own whims and fancies. Now you might argue that applying these for a young child seems unnecessary.
Let me tell you that the foundation of a well-disciplined life is laid way before, in the tender ages. Discipline is important to ensure kids safety.
For eg., if your child is jumping on the sofa, then there is a chance he might fall and injure his head or neck. Your immediate reaction to this behaviour is “don’t jump on the sofa, you can play on the floor”
You did not let your child have his way because it was a matter of his safety.
Similarly, your child needs to know the basics of crossing a road, like looking on both sides. Not adhering to these might lead to untoward accidents.
Discipline should also encompass other things such as eating habits. If you let your child eat whatever she wants, it may pose a serious risk to her health. Obese kids usually come from families with lax rules and genetic history of obesity running in the family.
- It teaches kids how to manage Anxiety.
For children, parents are their first mentor, guide and friends. Your child must have sought help from you on many issues other than just studies. They would have adhered to your advice and done the exact same thing that you said. They don’t like to be the decision-makers.
Kids who come from families with permissive parents have often experienced anxiety because they have to make adult decisions. The lack of guidance and the absence of a parent taking on the role of a leader can be very unsettling for kids. For eg. in a house where both parents are working and the child has to decide his matters on his own, they suffer from anxiety much more than kids who have had parents to guide them.
- It teaches kids to make good choices.
Good discipline techniques teach kids alternative ways to get their needs met. Kids need to learn problem-solving, impulse control, and self-regulation skills from the different situation by facing them on their own. For eg., a child who was reprimanded for riding the bicycle outside his compound, onto the road should face its consequences too. Like confiscating his bicycle for a week. This will help the child understand the concept of consequences when they don’t pay heed to our instructions. It will also help them make safer decisions next time, like not riding a bicycle on the roads.
- It helps kids manage their emotions better.
This is the best benefit of teaching kids discipline. For eg., if your elder one hits your younger one, he might end up in a timeout. Such techniques are helpful as they teach the child to own the responsibility for his actions. It also helps him learn to process his emotions like frustration or anger in a way that is safe for himself and others.
Another discipline technique that works well to help children manage their emotions better is Praise. Yes, you read it right. Whenever you see your child struggling with something, say a tower that he is attempting and you know that he’s just going to give in, any minute now, grab that opportunity to help him process that feeling of frustration by using praise.
You can say “I can see how hard you are working to build that tower, even though it is so hard, your doing good, you will get there”
These words will immediately calm your child and help him regain his composure and in turn, increase his productivity too.
Alternatively, there are some behaviours that you need to ignore like mild misbehaviours. The reason being, we need to send a message to our kids that things like whining, troubling your sibling will not fetch them your attention.
The same message can be sent out during a toddler tantrum in a public place. You do not have to give in to their demands. Because just to save yourself from the embarrassment of people judging you, you might give in this one time. The message you sent out to your kids was “ you can get your way if you throw a tantrum in public” so stay strong and maintain the boundaries and after a few such situations your child will stop repeating the behaviour and using it as a trick to get what he wants.
The root cause of all misbehaviour is to get your attention, so remember this before you give in, to the demand of your children. You might be starting a vicious cycle.
There are many discipline techniques that parents use, some are a huge success while some might not work for you and your household. Choosing by trial and error and finding a middle ground on what works best for you and your child is an arduous process. But that’s a discussion for another day. What is important is having some form of discipline techniques and practising them daily so your kids imbibe these and become better humans.
Do you have a set of basic ground rules in your house?
What works best for your house? I would love to know.
For more parenting-related issues like how to handle teens in this pandemic or raising kids in a digital world, ADHD you can visit my podcast – Doctormommyspeaks Parenting Podcast. listen and subscribe using your favourite app.
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This blog is written for Blog Chatter’s “MyFriendAlexa” blogging challenge 2020
Good thoughtful post.. Growing years are a foundation for an entire life
Definitely its more about doing it consistently.
Very true. We need to have ground rules so that they are aware that life is not about just doing whatever you like anywhere and everywhere. While our routine is not very strict, manners and healthy food is a must.
On the same page as you😉
Kids definitely need to be disciplined and managed in a subtle way. Your tips are great and will helo many parents in difficult situations
Yes subtle yet firm techniques work best.
An eye opening post, Dr. Rahat. Will definitely keep these in mind.
Thank you Nitisha glad you liked it
What a lovely post on the necessity of basic discipline in a child from an early age!
One doesn’t have to do that with a stick. Love, setting good examples and consistency can also do the job!
You got it right! Punishments will only make the child devise ways to not get caught the next time.
Discipline is important but to attain it the path is quite tricky.
Definitely. But consistency is the key, be it young or adults
I have been called a strict mommy a lot of times by my friends due the set rules and regulations of our house. I am glad your post validates my POV. Children need discipline to become responsible adults.
Ha ha. My mom was called the same but i am glad today that she raised us in military rule😉
Discipline is very important in life. The points you highlighted about safety and anxiety are very imp.
Thank you so much
I am not yet a mother but your article is really very good. Discipline is a must and specially today with the kids being exposed to so many things virtually discipline does not mean harming your kid but reasoning with him.
Yes explaining the consequences and behavior modifications if required. More on that coming soon
Very good post. Valid points. Discipline is crucial. Just because we love our children doesn’t mean we should accept bad behaviour. Plus, as you said, sometimes it’s about their safety. Thanks for writing this article.
Hey Thankyou so much. I am glad you found it useful
I agree that discipline is always associated with something harsh or cruel but it is more about helping children understand their feelings and the difference between right or wrong.
Definitely. That is the true essence behind disciplining a child
Your post just solidified my belief on disciplined parenting. I believe that praising and explaining help more than scolding or harsh treatment. And this approach has helped me to raise an empathetic and disciplined child.
Wow would love to know more about parenting from you 😊
I think a post that most of the moms need to go through. I have tried inculcating discipline right from a tender age but at times have overboard doing so.
We all find it tough to inculcate discipline in young children mostly because of their cute little faces. But we need to understand that its for their own good
Consistency is very important
It definitely is😊
Excellent post of child discipline. Will definitely keep these in mind
Thanks. Yes these are just a few benefits of discipline that if adhered to properly, will reap sweet fruits in future
All the points mentioned by you for the need to discipline your kid are valid though the definition of discipline given by you sounds pretty tough. But as elucidated by you it is extremely necessary if our kids are to become responsible adults.
Yes definitely. Most new gen parents are permissive and this makes thing difficult for kids to adjust when they grow
Discipline drives a person towards better life. A good, detailed article that needs to be spread around.
Hey thank you thats so sweet of you
That’s very helpful tips to keep children aware that for everything there’s a limit. #MyFriendAlexa #dewreads
Definitely. Boundaries are very important
Agree it’s very important to teach our kids discipline and manners but it’s not necessary to punish or hit them. I give my kids a time out when I feel the need to disciple them.n after that make them understand why I did that and why they shld not misbehave. I think being vocal n speaking about it with kids Is more better than hitting them.
Exactly anything punitive in the form of punishment will work quickly but not for long
Absolutely true that the lesson of discipline should be starts from the tender age. Instilling Discipline into the kids is the prime job of parenting, it is the foundation of building a confident and composed personality. So agree on all the pointers.
Thank you so much
Such an amazing post dear and you had covered it all. Personally I m a firm believer of positive parenting principles and always try to maintain an open communication with my girls to understand their needs and struggle. I agree being harsh or punishment without knowing real reasons never work well in long term.
Right it will only make the child learn quickly, how not to get caught with his misbehavior the next time.
Such a detailed post on disciplining kids. It was tough decision for me to leave my job but my children took front seat. I always felt children who have any one parent to guide grow up to be a better individual. So glad, I could connect to your post.
Yup parents are the first mentors
that most kids turn to. And we need to be there for them.
Discipline is important to make them responsible adults. Though during this pandemic I have changed my technique, have become more relaxed.
Yes yes pandemic has relaxed tons of rules around the house. But a strict routine still helps in keeping the house together
I am not a parent but this is one aspect that I have always wondered about (and still am pretty clueless about) But that being said, this helped make me understand things a little better. I will definitely be forwarding this to friends who are parents and I will bookmark it for later 🙂
Hey thank you so much
I can connect with many areas your discuss here. This was very useful for me as a parent
Glad you liked it Dr. Arul
We don’t go by the textbook definition of discipline as it surely doesn’t apply to kids. We do have some ground rules that really helps in creating a boundary & keep our son in discipline. I totally agree with all the reasons you have stated above.
So glad you liked it and yes Boundary-Based Discipline is really essential for a smooth functioning household
Pingback: >Ep. #09 How to discipline your child without yelling or spanking.
Very very informative posts! As a parent, it is never too late to change discipline habits!